A Discussion On Limits
In the vanilla world, there is often very little negotiation that happens before a couple makes their way to the bedroom. The results can sometimes mean that boundaries get crossed, traumas get triggered, or perhaps someone ends up momentarily agreeing to something that they later regret. In the kink/BDSM lifestyle, where the risks and stakes can be significantly higher, properly negotiating a scene is paramount to the safety and sanity of all partners involved.
The term "scene" is used to refer to a session of kink. When negotiating a scene, one of the first questions to ask your partner is what are their limits. "Hard Limits" refers to things that a person NEVER wants to experience during a scene. "Soft Limits" refers to things that a person doesn't want to experience right now, but they might consider it in the future. For example, a person might list "blood" as a hard limit, which indicates that they do not wish to engage in any kinks that could involve themselves or their partner bleeding, such as cutting, knife play, or needles. They might list "anal" as a soft limit which means they aren't ready to include it this immediate scene but as trust with their partner grows it is something they might consider for the future.
When you are new to the BDSM/kink lifestyle you may not know what your limits are initially. However, it is important not to say "I have no limits." This could be interpreted by your partner to mean that there is nothing that you are not willing to engage in. A better answer would be something like, "I'm new to the lifestyle and haven't had much opportunity to figure out my limits yet. Can you tell me some of the things you would like to share with me so I can decide which ones I am willing to try and which ones I am not willing to try?"
Your list of limits can be very flexible. You can add new ones as you try things and discover that you don't like them or you can remove limits if you decide that you are ready to experience something that initially didn't interest you. No one but you should influence the limits you set for yourself. Your limits should be based on what makes you feel comfortable and safe. Your partner should not try and pressure you to change your limits based on their desire to try something new. In a healthy relationship dynamic you should be able to freely express your limits and have them respected absolutely.
With Power and Pleasure,
Ginger Figgs
CEO of Bliss Box
