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Pineapple! And Other Safe Words 

One of the most important things to establish when negotiating a scene, after you have set your limits, is which safe word(s) you plan on using.  Although it is common to hear people say that their safe word is "pineapple," the most common safe word in the BDSM community is "red" or more commonly the stoplight system, which uses "red," "yellow," and "green" to express different needs during a scene.

The purpose of a safe word is to alert your partner to a need that you have during a scene.  Although it is possible to use common words such as "stop," "no," or "don't," it is easy for those words to get confused depending on the context or kink that you are exploring.  "Pineapple" is often suggested as a safe word because it is highly unlikely that you would use that word to mean anything other than a safe word during a scene whereas "stop, don't" could be easily misinterpreted as "don't stop" depending on how it is used.

Safe words are critical to the safety of a scene for both the Top (the one giving in the scene) and the bottom (the one receiving in the scene.)  It is important to establish which safe words are going to be used and how they are being defined before any play begins.  Even though the stoplight system is very common in the BDSM community, each person could implement it in a slightly different fashion.

The way that I implement the stoplight system of safe words into my scenes is as follows:

  • Green - this is used to mean that everything feels good and that the play should continue.  If I pause to ask "how are you doing?" my partner can reply "green" to indicate that all is going well.
  • Yellow - this is used to mean pause.  When "yellow" is said during a scene, all action should immediately pause while you check-in to see what is at issue.  It could be that my partner needs a break to use the restroom or just to take a few deep breaths.  During an impact (spanking) scene, my partner might say something like "yellow on my left thigh" which would indicate that I can continue the play but I should avoid or severely limit impact to the left thigh. Sometimes after the pause, both partners will agree to stop the scene completely but most often "yellow" is just a break in the action.
  • Red - this is used to mean STOP.  When "red" is called during a scene it means that all action should stop immediately and the scene is completely over.  Regardless of the reason it was used, it is critical that you take this safe word seriously and honor it immediately when it is used.  You can discuss what caused it to be used after both partners are safe and relaxed.

One final note about safe words, there are certain times when your partner might be unable to speak a safe word, they might have a gag in their mouth or they might be having such an intense experience that they are unable to articulate your safe word or any words whatsoever.  If you are doing a scene in which your partner might not be able to speak, it is important to establish a method by which they are still able to communicate their need for a scene to pause or end.  Oftentimes, this can involve giving them something to hold in their hand, such as a ball, piece of cloth, or even a squeaky toy, that they can drop, wave, or squeak to get your attention when they are rendered unable to speak.  Stay safe and play smart!

With Power and Pleasure,
Ginger Figgs
CEO of Bliss Box